My Letter To You...
My beautiful friends, how honoured I am to be on this journey, part of this journey with you. I know for sure, that because of everything you've endured, come through and survived - you are resilient, strong, courageous and brave.
We all are because we refuse to allow our abusers and our past to win.
I know how scared you are to tell or to speak about what has happened to you - I know what it's like to open your mouth and for nothing to come out. The shame, humiliation, fear of not being believed, or worse ignored, and isolated. Or the feelings of being pathetic bring sickness to the pit of your stomach. Wakening up everyday without any real direction, or purpose, thinking nobody cares - because you don't.
Its soul destroying and life sucking.
To spend your life 'putting in your time' hoping and wishing that someone or something will take away your pain. Crying for 'no reason' or because you don't know why… Depressed, anxious and feeling like shit because you can't find the words to really express just how fucking awful you feel.
Nobody gets it - because there really are no words to describe how you're feeling.
You just keep going - but it's like Ground Hog Day and it's all you know how to be.
Life is one long permanent disappointment and the next person to tell you to 'let it go' and 'move on' is likely to get a smack down. It's another asshole who doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about.
I know what it's like to feel worthless, like you don't matter, that there's something fundamentally fucked up about you and that you're 'broken'.
Please let me hold your heart and tell you - You Are More Worthy and Deserving than you'll ever know. You really are.
The Universe doesn't make mistakes. You matter. You have a purpose in this life. There is a greater calling for your soul, than what you're living right now - and you can discover what that is.
The Universe knows what it's doing, it doesn't make shit and it most certainly didn't start with you.
You are Divine Energy, Divine Love and my Divine fellow human.
When those who are suppose to love and protect you the most in this World abandon, reject and betray you, it's almost impossible to comprehend. Almost.
It can leave you feeling in the depths of despair, worthless, like you're dying inside. It can leave you feeling stuck for years, without known what to do. The self-loathing, self-hatred and 'loser' talk can drown out the words on your heart, and leave you feeling disconnected, powerless and filled with shame.
You try for years to carry this burden secretly, even though it's gnawing away at your soul. You feel embarrassed asking for help. You feel weak. It makes you think there's even more wrong with you because you can't work it out. There's not.
You're hurt. You've been let down. You've learned to protect yourself by relying solely on yourself. You're fiercely independent.
But my friend, there's no winning, or transformation in closing your heart, living in fear and in the darkness of your thoughts. I know how fucking terrifying it is to live believing 'this is it, it's never going to get any better, this is my lot in life...'
You maybe don't even recognise that you're feeling so hopeless, filled with despair and isolation.
I remember feeling this way. I remember feeling lost. Angry. Filled with utter despair.
In my darkest hour, In the eye of my storm, I couldn't understand. I couldn't accept that this was my life.
The grief, the loss of what could've been, should've been my life. I kept asking 'Why me…?' And I keep getting the answer. Until I asked a better question 'What do I need to do to turn this around…?'
I knew this wasn't my life. There's no way in hell I was put on this earth, put through hell to continue suffering. That's it. I refused to fall into the dark abyss of my 'story'. I wasn't going to let my past take my last breath.
I was feisty. I had a fire in my belly and I was going to put it to some use. I spent the next three years searching and trying everything I could find to 'make me better.'
The Universe opened doors, brought me the right people and my life began to change.
I didn't get my life back - I got a better life back.
When I did - my souls calling, my life's purpose was revealed. I knew then, that if my pain, my past, my experience would liberate, help or transform even one person's life - then it wasn't in vain.
It was worth it.
My pain has been my greatest power, because now I get to help others end their pain and suffering.
With my hand on my heart there's nothing, absolutely nothing I would change about my past. My worst moments were worth it because not I get to help others - so they don't have to live in shame and suffering. That they don't have to live a lonely existence.
I love the bravery and courage of you all. The courage to find your voice - to not be silenced any more. As each and every one of us speak out, heals and break free, we give someone else hope, inspiration and the courage to do the same.
We are living in a very privileged time. We can access the World from our sitting room, we can shine our light right across the World to help our fellow human beings break free, take charge of their life and heal their past in this lifetime, so they don't carry it into the next.
We all have that within us. We just have to dare.
This is how we will change the World.
Love and healing to you my brave friend who i've yet to meet.
P.S You can email me personally to firstname.lastname@example.org